"N- n- now th- that don't kill me, can only make me stronger"

So I got an MRI on Thursday and now I just play the waiting game and hope that my doctor was wrong about my ACL being torn. Honestly, when he first told me it was torn I wanted to cry. Up until my doctors appointment I spent the past 2.5 months thinking nothing was torn and I'd be ok in a couple months. I know it's lame but just thinking about everything I've missed out on and will continue to miss out on for the next 8 months or so. Just in the past 3 months I've missed playing in a basketball league, turkey bowl and playing basketball at the CRC with John and Eugene. Now when my friends from home go to play basketball at church or Thomas Farm, I just feel like I'm left out of that part of their lives (of course its by no fault of their own). I truly to miss playing the game of basketball and it's just something you take for granted when you're healthy enough play. Although these past few months have taught me a lot about what I need to change once I'm healthy enough to play, such as my attitude. I was also fortunate enough to get the opportunity to coach football which I otherwise wouldn't have been able to had I been playing.

A hard thing to get used to is getting surprising or unexpected news. News about my knee as well as news about other things has happened numerous times and has drastically changed my life in recent months. I think no matter how often it happens, I will never get used to getting news like this. Although these may not be the best of times for me personally right now, things could definitely be worse right? After talking with Haomin, she told me I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a new job starting in the new year which means new opportunities and a fresh start. Although right now personally it may not be the best time for me, I was told 'dont fret' and advice like this may seem simple but having the reassurance of the support of my friends means a great deal to me. Forward is the only direction I'm looking and that's where I'm going. I won't dwell on the past (although I'll probably think about it every once in a while) and instead I'll look to whats ahead.


"The best part of getting lost is what you find along the way"


Song of the moment



I spent nights waiting for you
Staring out the window by my bed
These street lights
So unkind to shine upon the emptiness instead

I hang my head
Im down but im not giving up on you just yet
Love, look at me now
What is this feeling people talk about
Love, look at me now
You don't know how long I've been holding out
For you love, look at me now

Some people take you for granted
Softly as you crept into their hearts
Not me though
Just don't leave me stranded
Here with no one in my arms

I'll do my part
I'll stand out in the rain
I'll cry out in the dark

Love, look at me now
What is this feeling people talk about
Love, look at me now
You don't know how long i've been holding out for you love

I make your every wish
My command
If you were drowning
I would bring you back
Back to land

Where do I begin
I'm ready to jump in

Love, look at me now
I've heard so many perfect things about you
Love, look at me now
Maybe your just a shadow of a doubt
Love, where have you been
I wanna fall in
I'm never coming out
For you love, look at me now
Look at me now

I spent nights
Waiting for you
Staring out the window by my bed

"Turning Tides"

News of the day: It was very likely I tore my ACL and will need to have surgery done sometime in the near future. The worst thing is the timing. I start work in January and my health insurance kicks in February 1st which is likely when I'll get the surgery so it'll be insured. I'm not sure exactly what I should say to my manager my first day because I don't want to look bad since I was just hired. I guess I'll have to hope my manager is understanding of the situation. Please pray for my situation and I'm thankful for everyone who has supported

I'm headed to Boston later today and i'm excited. I've heard good things about the city and our wonderful host/tour guide Erika will be sure to make it exciting.

Until next time...

"Nice Guys Finish Last"

So it's currently 6:30 AM and I'm not sleeping. This has actually been reoccurring these past few nights because for my personally, it's hard to fall asleep if I have something on my mind. Instead of trying to just put it in the back of my mind, here I am at 6:30 AM blogging.

So while I'm trying to gather my thoughts about what exactly to say, I look on my buddy list to see if there is anyone as crazy as I am to be up at 6:30 AM. My friend Crystal who is typically on around this time because she's in Australia and Danny who is probably going fishing are both on. I decide to ask them about their opinions on the topic of 'nice guys finish last' Coincidentally, Crystal just wrote about this a few weeks ago on her blog. Her beliefs are the reason girls pick 'jerks' over 'nice guys' are in short, because of "hormones. the thrill. to be "the exception." that 'fix it' mentality. We're stupid." She also adds that this site "http://www.justaguything.com/the-top-5-things-jerks-do-to-get-women/" does a good job of portraying why women choose 'jerks' over 'nice guys.' She also believes that if nice guys were to combine their 'niceness' with some of the things mentioned on the site and they'll be "good to go"

I proceeded to ask Danny about his feelings about the topic and he simply stated that he doesn't believe its true and "nice guys will prevail."

I think there is some truth in the sentence just based on the guys my close friends have dated. I think on numerous occasions I've had my friends tell me about how controlling/jealous their boyfriends can be. Is this behavior considered "jerk-like?" In more than one instance I wasn't even allowed to talk to my friend because the boyfriend didn't want her talking to me and constantly checked her phone to make sure I wasn't contacting her. I know I don't have the most experience in relationships and my beliefs may be a bit naive but I would hope I could trust my girlfriend enough not to be constantly hounding her and limiting who she can talk to. I'm not saying all guys are jerks because some of my closest friends have girlfriends and I can truthfully say they treat their girlfriends very well. I guess looking at some of my closest friends, Caleb, Eugene and Ken have all been long term relationships and don't exactly portray any of these "jerk-like" traits. I think even though me and my former roommate John would joke about Eugene being too soft when it came to his relationship, I think in reality he is treating Grace exactly how she should be treated. In Ken's situation, he also seems to treat his girlfriend ideally. Also, seeing the sacrifices that both Caleb and Erika have to make to keep their relationship going strong is admirable considering of the long distance deal and nobody can say his behavior is "jerk-like" It's guys like my friends who make the phrase 'nice guys finish last' seem so fictional. So I guess I just wonder why some girls still seem to go after the jerks? Do those traits listed on the site really prevail that much?

I KNOW I am far from perfect and may not be the nicest person in the world but I'd like to think I do my best to make people happy. I've had my fair share of bad experiences as far as dating and in all honesty I still think about some of them today. I know I should forgive and forget but it's easier said then done. I'm sure that I have some fault, whether it was how I acted or choosing to date the wrong girls or it was just poor timing. I guess there is no clear cut answer as to whether "nice guys finish last." I'd like to think of myself as a "nice" guy (my friend Angel recently reassured me of this a few days ago and said I actually was one, hopefully it was heartfelt, haha) but sometimes I think I just could be "too" nice if there is such thing. In the past I've asked myself "why this" or "why that" and I've heard the famous "I'm not ready for a relationship" one too many times. Looking back I've asked myself "what was I thinking?" realizing that it would've never worked out anyway and I'm glad it never did. A couple times I had been warned by friends but trusted myself instead of their judgment which has gotten me into trouble. Perhaps it's just bad timing and as many have told me, better things are ahead.

This is by no means a post for anyone to feel sorry for me because all those experiences in the past I've learned from and has made me stronger/better so there is no need to feel sorry. As my friend Miranda (do you feel special? that's two posts in a row) said, my friends always support me and I have "an interconnectedness with people that keeps me going."




Patience is a virtue.

"The Good Life"

Seeing as how its been over a year since I updated this, i'm fairly certain very few if any people read this so I guess I'm writing this just to get my thoughts out. I'm going to reiterate what I've said in the past and hope that I can maintain this whole blog deal. Maybe seeing Miranda start up a blog and Hao Min out of no where tell me to update my blog has added some extra motivation.

First off I want to thank God for blessing me with SO much, especially recently with my new job at Accenture. I don't think I was ever genuinely fearful of finding a job but I was worried about finding the "right" job for me or one where I thought I could exceed. Starting January 4th I will become the Deployment Configuration Specialist at Accenture ( I actually still believe I'm under qualified ) and I'm hoping this is where I'm supposed to be.

After reflecting on my past posts, I asked myself why am I never TRULY content with what I have and have been blessed with. I have so many supportive people in my life, people who I can trust and count on but I still go through periods of time where I am just unhappy with the things going on in my life. For example, right now is one of those periods where I'm just asking myself why can't things be better or I'm envious of different people and what they have. I'm hopeful that in time I will be able to be truly happy with what I have.

Taken from Miranda's blog, "I like to think that I have made the best of every mistake in my life. lived, learned and made improvements on myself.

I’m not scared to screw up. I know I’ll make it right again. I’ll find the rainbow in the gasoline I spilled. =)"

I think this is something I've gotten better with but still have a lot to improve on regarding learning from my mistakes. Having my friends around me who keep me accountable has definitely helped me. I think ultimately the one thing I need to learn is patience.

So enough with the rambling, I'm hoping this was somewhat enjoyable to those who have actually read it. I think I've realized that I actually enjoy writing, whether or not I'm good at it is up to you to decide. Until next time...

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8


"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."

-Helen Keller


"The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."

-Allan K Chalmers


"I will do what I want to, when I want to, how I want to. I will trust what I know, learn what I don’t know, and discover the unknown - that’s the Happy life I want."

-Miranda Law


P.S. Hao Min I hope this is a satisfying update for you